I hate this. I hate these feelings that I always end up having for the wrong people. Why do I always choose the wrong ones. From the emotionally unavailable to the completely uninterested ones. I really need to get my act together and find the ones that like me for me. Not the ones who don't even know that I exist.
Sorry for the random rant but I felt that it was needed. That's just how I feel at the moment. No idea whether that will change anytime soon or not. I really do want to tell everyone everything about me but I can't. In the past year I have been depressed several times over bullshit drama that I have control over. Maybe it's time that I take my life by the horns and control where I am going and who is going to be beside me when that all goes down. The sad thing is that I know who I want to be sitting there right there next to me, I just don't think its possible for them to feel the same way. Maybe it's because they are in no way attracted to me, but that's just speculation.
I am beginning to think that my love life is a big fucking joke to everyone involved. It doesn't matter who is in it whether it be me or actually someone in it, it is still a big joke. I just want to be able to find someone that loves me for me and doesn't care about my flaws, or background, or personality. I want them to love me for me. At this point in my life I just don't think I'll ever find someone like that.
To most people I am an outgoing, fun, popular person who is involved in everything and is loved by everyone. I just want to walk over and shake them and tell them the truth. The truth is that I probably have one or two reals friends in college. Friends that actually know where I came from and why I am a better person for living the life that I have led so far. I want people to ask me questions instead of talk behind my back about me. As soon as that starts to happen, no one will actually "know" me.
Another random rant will be coming very soon. I have quite a few of them in me. Granted no one actually reads these, but it feels good to get them out.
